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metanoias

And it’s late at night when I wish I could just reach out, and you’d roll over and talk to me, but you don’t exist. Thoughts of those who played like they were only to leave me with this knowing absence.

I cannot imagine someone lying next to me, filling in the empty crevices of my body and bed, because to put it quite simply, there is no one. That is as far as I am willing to let my mind get.

The last time we spoke was through a damn phone and that’s enough to drive me insane. You texted me and asked if I was happy with where I was at in life, and that question has haunted me these past couple months. I’ve sought death since such a young age, for all the reasons that I think everyone else wants it, but I’ve learned a different kind of death that puts death to death, and I’m not dead yet like I told you and my response has tortured me the same. I’m not dressed in white. I’m not a perfect person, and I’ll never be in this life. There was only One, and He’s the only thing I’ll ever be able to take away from anything, the only positive. I’m not alright, I don’t think I’ve ever been, and I’m not going to play church, I’d rather be it. My relationship with my parents seems completely nonexistent. You’re dead and so are a couple of my other friends, and I’m not, and no I sure as Hell don’t get it, but I accept it, and while I’m here I’m trying to let Him make the best of it, my life that is. I’m not looking for sympathy, maybe some empathy, but I’d kill to have some friends like Job who just sat down with him for days in silence.

There is so much more outside your door, physically and emotionally. But by all means, feel free to box yourself in, for it is free will you have been given. However, I would prefer you not squander it.

freemans mill

That one weekend pt. ii

❝ Every introvert alive knows the exquisite pleasure of stepping from the clamor of a party into the bathroom and closing the door. ❞

— Sophia Dembling - The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World (via ianknows)

Had to put one of my cats under today.
❝ Don’t let numbers tell you what to do. You are blood and earth, not theory and chalk. ❞

— Cecil Baldwin (via ianknows)

nientediverotrannegliocchi:

Rain on my hopes
Rain on my soul
Rain on everything that I know.
-The Classic Crime

We fear we are our fathers, but we’re only their sons, and truth be told everything we think we need is not always what we really want.

❝ If you are under the impression you have already perfected yourself, you will never rise to the heights you are no doubt capable of. ❞

— Kazuo Ishiguro, The Remains of the Day (via wordsnquotes)